Who Gets to kill Bellatrix?
by LordGranger
Summary: A little humorous one shot where Hermione suddenly starts complaining to the author when Molly gets to kill Bellatrix. One thing follows another and everything suddenly goes downhill. Harry/Hermione. Little bashing of other pairings (but not the characters). ONE SHOT.


**A/N: **A little humorous one shot where Hermione suddenly starts complaining to the author when Molly gets to kill Bellatrix.

First, nothing against J.K Rowling, this is just written for fun. I am still a fan of her and her work. This is why I disclaim everything, they belong to J.K Rowling.

If someone didn't notice this, this is a Harry/Hermione story. Enjoy and please leave a review.

**WHO GETS TO KILL BELLATRIX**

"_**NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"**_

**Mrs. Weasley threw of her cloak as she ran, freeing her arms. Bellatrix spun on the spot, roaring with laughter at the sight of her new challenger.**

"**OUT OF MY WAY!" shouted Mrs. Weasley to the three girls, and with a swipe of her wand she began to duel. Harry watched with terror and elation as Molly Weasley's wand slashed and twisted, and Bellatrix Lestrange's smile faltered and became a snarl. Jets of light flew from both wands, the floor around the**

**witches' feet became hot and cracked; both women were fighting to kill.**

"**No!" Mrs. Weasley cried as a few students ran forward, trying to come to her aid. "Get back! Get back! She is mine!"**

"Stop this nonsense right know" screamed Hermione Granger. "Molly Weasley gets to kill Bellatrix? Seriously"

Everyone stopped and looked at Hermione. Harry threw of his invisibility cloak and looked at his best friend.

"Who are you talking to Mione?"

"The author" said Hermione, as it was the most obvious thing on the world. "I tried to accept this but this is getting too far. No offense Mrs. Weasley"

"None taken love" answered Molly.

They saw a sudden wave of light in front of them. They all shielded their eyes and when it disappeared a man with a turban on his head was in front of her.

"Hello guys" said Quierell. "Miss Granger, the author send me so I can answer your complaints for her, so what is the problem"

"Ah, hello" said Voldemort who was starting to get angry. "Over here. Dark Lord! About to destroy the whole world"

"Shut up for a second" said Hermione. "I want to ask something. Why of all people gets Molly Weasley to kill Bellatrix Lestrange"

"So she can show that she is more than just a housewife" answered Quierell.

"What the freak? This is it" said Harry, joining the conversation. "She is the one who killed my godfather in front of my eyes. She also killed Dobby and tortured Hermione. Why don't I get to avenge them"

"This is my point" said Hermione. "She is the one that tortured me, called me Mudblood and underestimated me the whole time. If I were to kill her, it would be the best strike against the Blood Prejudice"

"What about me" said Neville. "She tortured my parents to insanity. She also tortured me and I don't even get to kill her?"

Quierell looked at them for a few seconds.

"Well, she says that she didn't want kids to become murderers" he answered finally.

"What about me than?" asked Lupin. "She killed my best friend"

"Or me" asked Tonks. "She is the one that killed my cousin"

"You two had to die before that" answered Quirell.

"Why? Remus had always had a bad life and just when he was about to get a good one, he simply gets killed alongside his wife" said Hermione angrily.

"Well, she killed them to show that there are war orphans. Just like Teddy Lupin" answered Quierell, who didn't look too sure of himself now.

"War orphans? Don't you think I am enough of an example for this? Or Neville for that matter" said Harry.

"You tell him pup" said Sirius, who appeared from no where.

"I agree with Potter. Even I didn't kill as many people as Bella" said Voldemort.

"She also tortured my future wife. I could be the one to kill her" said Ron.

"Thanks for mentioning that, this is another matter that I want to complain about" said Hermione pointing her wand at Quierell. He frowned.

"What is your problem this time Miss Granger" said Quierell.

"Why do I have to marry Ronald Weasley? He may be my friend, but what did we do besides arguing with each other. Some forced love scenes. Fights over jealousy? Is this how you build a relationship? We have nothing in common"

"I didn't know you hated me this much Hermione" said Ron with hurt in his voice.

"It is nothing against you Ronald" said Hermione. "I do love you as a friend and I may fancy you a little bit. But this is more serious. I am also talking for you. You always had an inferiority complex, why the hell would you want a wife that is smarter than you?"

"You are probably right" said Ron.

"Opposite love is always the best, isn't it?" said Quierell.

"This is stupid" said Luna, in her usual dreamy voice. "One of them -probably Hermione- would murder the other one at first week, without anyone to interfere their fights"

"Well who should she pair you up with, if not with Ron" asked Quierell.

"I don't know" said Hermione sarcastically. "I can't think of anyone that was always on my side. Someone that I could talk about everything. Someone who can tell me everything. Someone I can trust with my life and someone who can trust me with his life. Any ideas everyone?"

"Are you talking about me beauty" asked McLaggen. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Where do you even come from? Where were you" asked Harry to him.

"Somewhere in the crowd I guess" shrugged McLaggen.

"Who are you talking about Hermione" said Quirell.

"I think she is talking about Harry" said Bellatrix.

"This should be obvious" said Voldemort.

"You and Harry? But you are like siblings" said Quierell. "More importantly, Harry loves Ginny"

"Me and Ginny? We may have dated but I don't think it will get too far" said Harry thoughtfully.

"Well, you sort of get married in a few years" answered Quierell.

"WHAT?" screamed Harry, Hermione and Ginny together.

"I like Ginny, but marriage? We barely talked to each other about important things" said Harry.

"But you both love Quidditch" said Quierell, still controlled by the author. "She always loved you"

"No, I have or had a crush in him" said Ginny firmly.

"You loved him since you were a little kid" complained Quirell.

"This is the point" screamed Hermione. She was shaking with rage. "She had a crush on him before she even met him. Does that sound like real love to you?"

"No but…"

"She loves the Boy-Who-Lived" said Harry. "Can't I have someone that loves just Harry?"

"I can only think of one person pup" said Sirius and winked at his godson.

"I think you are right Sirius" said Harry and walked to Hermione. But she was still furious.

"This doesn't make any sense" said Quirell angrily.

"I think it does" said Molly. "They were always there for each other"

"Hermione saved Harry's life more than anyone ever did. Including me" said Dumbledore who appeared from no where.

"Harry always when to Hermione when he had a problem" said Neville.

"This girl got tortured by me but she still didn't give any information" said Bellatrix.

"She once punched me in the face" said Draco.

"What does this to do with anything" asked Narcissa to her son. He just shrugged.

"Hermione was there for Harry when his name came out of the goblet while I was a jealous prick back then. Sorry again mate" said Ron. Harry smiled at his friend.

"I wasn't even talking to Harry back then" said Ginny.

"This is another matter that I am furious about" said Hermione. "Why the hell was Ron Harry's hostage after everything he did that year?"

"Ask Harry" said Quirell. Hermione turned to Harry with anger.

"Wait Mione. I also thought it was strange, I could have sworn it would be you. Ask Dumbledore, not me" said Harry.

"Care to explain what your reasons were Headmaster?" asked Hermione. She looked pretty scary right now.

"Well, I couldn't know, could I? You were Krum's hostage so we took Ron"

"Why was she the think that I miss most" asked Krum to Quirell/Author. "I barely knew her, no matter how much I loved her. Don't I have any parents, family, friends? Anything?"

"She..." stuttered Quirell. "She just wanted to include Hermione and Ron at the task"

"There you have it" said Hermione. She turned to her best friend. "And now to you Mr. Potter. If you really loved me, then why the hell didn't you say anything"

"You…you loved Ron" said Harry who was starting to get angry. "Did you forget how many times you screamed at me because of the stupid Half Blood Prince?"

"Oi" said Snape.

"Sorry, sir. I meant the book" said Harry.

"Is that so? What about you then? You didn't talk to me for months in our third year because of a stupid broom" screamed Hermione.

"Firebolt is definitely NOT a stupid broom" said Wood from the crowd. Everyone ignored him.

"You cried for Ron for days when he left" screamed Harry to Hermione.

"I wonder why I did that" said Hermione sarcastically. "Maybe because he was one of my best friends. Did you even try to talk to me?"

"Well, I didn't know what to say" said Harry. "I thought it was impossible for you to love me. I mean, you even helped me with Cho or Ginny"

"I wanted you to be happy you idiot" said Hermione. "You weren't jealous of Krum or Ron either"

"I was. I just didn't show it"

"Guys" said Voldemort. "We still have to have our final showdown right. Can't you talk about this later"

"SHUT UP RIDDLE" said both Harry and Hermione.

"Let me get this straight. You really love me?" said Harry.

"I think I do" said Hermione. "What about you?"

"I don't just think it, I am sure. I love you" said Harry. Hermione walked to her best friend and in front of the Quierells/Authors shocked eyes, they gave each other a passionate kiss.

"I knew it" said Cho happily.

"Well it WAS kind of obvious" said Ginny.

"Jealous Ginny?" asked Ron.

"Not really. I like him, but Harry is not really my type" shrugged Ginny.

"Wait, you can't do that" said Quierell looking at the still kissing couple. "This is not how it is supposed to be"

"Well too late for that" said Harry grinning at him. He still had his arms around Hermione "What do you want to do now, love?"

"I think we should leave love" said Hermione.

"But… who is going to kill Voldemort?" asked Dumbledore.

"Not to be rude sir, but anyone can do it" said Hermione.

"What do you mean Miss Granger" asked McGonagall.

"Well, he lost his Horcruxes didn't he? You can't apparate in Hogwarts and there is no defense against the Killing Curse. You are what? 100 against 2. You can just all cast Killing Curse and it would be over"

"But it is Dark Magic" said a shocked Molly. Hermione shook her head.

"You want Voldemort dead but you are against a curse that kills painlessly because it is dark? I don't understand that really"

"She is right you know" said Voldemort. "Even I can't stop this"

"Well, we will be going then" said Harry happily.

"Where are you going" said the Author.

"First we will find my parents. Then we will have our own family" said Hermione as it was obvious. She once again kissed Harry and he happily returned the kiss.

"And I can assure you, we won't call any of our children Albus Severus" said Harry firmly. "Bye now"

They then run away from Hogwarts before anyone else could say anything, leaving a confused group of people behind.

"Sooo" said Neville. "Who gets to kill Bellatrix now?"

_That was it, I hope you liked it. This was crazy. Please leave a review. Thank you._


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